Hidden habits that worsen social anxiety – and how to break them

For many university students, leaving home for the first time brings the expectation of quickly building a social circle, yet social anxiety can make this daunting. One in five students experiences some form of social anxiety during their studies, a condition linked to academic struggles, isolation, and poor relationships, according to research from the University of Chichester.

Mary, who studied at the University of Exeter, faced severe social anxiety during her teenage years, which eventually led to a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder and a period of depression that forced her to take time off school. During her undergraduate degree, she avoided group settings entirely, believing no one would want to know her, and made no friends.

“I didn’t join clubs and societies like others did,” Mary said. “I just thought nobody would want to get to know me.”

Social anxiety disorder is estimated to affect up to 12% of people at some point in their lives. Symptoms can include physical sensations such as blushing, tingling hands, and a feeling of detachment from one’s body, as well as intense shame after social interactions.

Neil Greening, chair of the Social Anxiety Alliance UK, noted that individuals often internalize these struggles as personality flaws rather than recognizing them as treatable conditions. He warned that in a culture that prizes extroversion, many people hide their anxiety or rely on “safety behaviours.」

Common signs of social anxiety include staying quiet, giving brief answers, clinging to a smartphone to avoid interaction, hovering at the edge of groups, or sticking to safe conversational topics. Greening suggested that the rise in smartphone usage and remote work may be contributing to worsening anxiety levels by reducing face-to-face social interaction.

Prof David Clark, a psychologist at the University of Oxford, identified several hidden habits that exacerbate the condition. The first is obsessive self-focus, where anxious individuals constantly monitor themselves for signs of nervousness, such as blushing or sounding stupid. Clark advises shifting focus outward to the conversation or surroundings instead.

Another critical step is dropping safety behaviours, such as rehearsing sentences beforehand, avoiding eye contact, or staying close to a single person. Clark also recommends testing fears through behavioural experiments, such as speaking up in a meeting, to challenge the assumption that negative outcomes will occur.

Finally, avoiding post-event rumination is essential. People with social anxiety often replay interactions in their minds, distorting what actually happened. Clark emphasized that dealing with social anxiety is a gradual process.

Mary now manages her anxiety more effectively after completing a postgraduate degree. Following her undergraduate studies, she received Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) through the NHS, which is considered the gold standard for treating social anxiety. CBT helps individuals reframe thoughts and change behaviours.

“The therapy really helped me, but so did something a friend said to me,” Mary recalled. When she cited her poor social skills as a reason not to join her friend’s social circle, her friend urged her not to undersell herself. This moment was emotionally significant for Mary.

Today, Mary actively pushes herself to engage more, participating in smaller postgraduate groups and joining an astronomy club. While she acknowledges it remains difficult and does not always go as planned, she has learned to manage her anxiety and build connections.