How a 9/11 Loss Shaped a Substitute Mother’s Role

Diana Miller recently walked into a CVS with her six-year-old niece, who whispered that strangers likely perceived Miller as her mother. Miller smiled, acknowledging the comparison while buying fake nails for a sleepover. The moment mirrored the role she now plays for her niece, a girl born in 2020. Miller had left her position as executive producer of a New York morning news show to move to Los Angeles just four months after the child’s birth, pivoting from a fast-paced media career to a life centered on childcare.

This shift became personal because Miller knew the profound impact of having a substitute maternal figure. Her aunt, Daphne “Saza” Pouletsos, worked for the insurance firm AON in the World Trade Center’s South Tower and was among the 2,977 people killed during the September 11 attacks. Although Miller grew up in Virginia and Saza lived in New Jersey, the aunt was a constant presence in her life, visiting frequently and joining family trips north.

Saza was known for her humor and ability to elevate ordinary moments. She would surprise the children by hiding in their minivan and shared inside jokes based on her favorite television characters. Christmas mornings were particularly cherished; Saza would arrive early, sitting in a blue wingback chair with eyes shining behind rimless glasses, eagerly reacting to the gifts she gave her nieces and nephews, including playful plastic glasses with banana noses.

Miller was studying abroad at University College London when the attacks occurred. While on a trip to Barcelona, she learned of the tragedy from a waiter. Initially believing her aunt was safe, she called home and heard her father say authorities were contacting hospitals. Upon seeing news footage at their hostel, Miller realized Saza was among the victims.

As a journalist, Miller understands the standard questions asked after tragedies, such as age and surviving family members. However, she argues that the true weight of a loss extends beyond these metrics. For Miller, Saza’s legacy is defined not by the absence of children, but by the vibrant world she created for her extended family.

Now 45, Miller sees reflections of Saza in her daily life with her niece. She feels her aunt’s presence during simple activities like feeding stray cats, reading comics, or dressing up for pizza. Miller often wonders what future moments they might have shared, such as watching Saturday Night Live together in Los Angeles, and how much joy Saza would have found in knowing her namesake, Daphne.